Meagn Fox: A Genius... Could it really be?

Greetings People,

Some one who is smoking hot like Megan Fox (even her name is oozes sex appeal) surely couldn’t be a genius right? Her best traits were god-given so to speak; a flawlessly symmetrical face, a ripped body and piercing green eyes that could cut you in two. She surely couldn't have also been blessed with defining traits which make up the core of pure genius?

Well people, surprise, surprise, she might just be the ultimate package, an almost near perfect specimen? Maybe she was part of a science experiment which endeavoured to create the embodiment of perfection (mind and body)? Lets just hope she is indeed human and not the product of robotic creation which might be happening in dingy labs around the world. My curiosity was first aroused as I was reading some news stories on the internet, then I soon became distracted by the entertainment section hovering in the corner of the page with Fox’s picture predictably catching my eye. The picture had a caption which read: Megan Fox says dumb stuff. I clicked on the link and then started reading all the supposed dumb things she has said while in the media spotlight.

Now here in lies the fascination. I believe Megan's cutting comments are actually that of pure GENIUS and her sharp displays of witty banter have fooled many a WANKER out there. You see, instead of being yet another boring celebrity that has nothing interesting to say, she prefers to speak her mind in an extremely tongue in cheek way. Fox is actually giving in to the misconception that she is just another ‘pretty girl’ with no brains but, could she be playing a joke on us all with a tremendous use of ironic word play? People should pay closer attention. This girl is a crack up. Here are some of her memorable quotes to date. I have given them all headings.

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

Fox said: "Ok, well let me tell you what [High School Musical] is really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron's dad. It's about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow there's music involved. You have to get stoned to watch it."

Fox could be right. I always thought the film was a little creepy, don’t you agree? What kind of girl with a hollow head could read sub text like this? That yes, films like this are actually pure evil, designed to brainwash children of the world to start singing like kids on crack (or copious amounts of energy drinks), all in an effort to suppress child hood trauma such as molestation? I get where you are going with this Megan, don't worry.

MEN CAN BE STUPID

Fox said: "Robert Pattinson and Zac - they're just too pretty with the big hair and the suits. And Rob is, what, 22? Zac is 21? That's a joke. Boys in their twenties are a waste of time. They have nothing to offer conversationally; they're immature. I feel like I have a better shot with someone in his thirties."

This is hardly a stupid comment and actually voices what women are always complaining about. That men are way more immature than women who are the same age. Why do you think that 90210 wash up, Brian Austin Green struck it lucky. Hello people!! If Fox was just like all those other young celebrity girls out there she would be dating a version of Zac Effron instead, right? But the true GENIUS in this quote is that dudes with big hair are maybe a little too self involved? Don't worry guys, I like the quiff hairstyle also. Fox is just hard to please and likes her men old school with shaved heads.

THE ZAC ATTACK

Fox said: "Zac Efron is my obsession, we're the same person. We're not actually here, it's like Janet and Michael Jackson. He just puts on his wig and a dress, and it's me, and you don't know that. It's one of the greatest mysteries of all time."

Oh Megan, and all this time you let us believe that you hated that mop haired surfer boy. In fact Fox like a true GENIUS makes us laugh our socks off while using irony to trick us all into thinking she hates this guy but really is probably close friends with him. Although the fact she would choose to be close with the Zac Attack does lose her points, she however wins many more points for her erratic and comically misleading quotes.

BRIAN, FOR ART THOU BRIAN

Fox said: "I wouldn't regret my "Brian" tattoo if we weren't together. I can always have a kid and name him Brian. There are options."

How is this stupid? Please, the girl clearly is a thinker and a problem solver, like a true GENIUS should be. I think calling your kid Brian is a small price to pay for a failed romantic gesture. Johnny Depp another GENIUS made the same mistake with Winona Ryder and then beautifully covered it up by changing the tattoo to “Wino Forever” after they split up. I believe he is very fond of Pinot noir so it worked out just fine. GENIUS!

TRANSFORMERS/J.T.T.

Fox said: "Starscream is the sexiest Transformer. Why? Cause he just is. Why is Simba (from ‘The Lion King’) sexy? He just was. Maybe it was because Jonathan Taylor Thomas was the voice. I can't tell you. It's something I just feel."

Like most GENIUSES', she has a soft spot for J.T.T. (Jonathan Taylor Thomas). Men and women alike equally appreciate the acting gifts he bestowed upon us in nineties cult classic ‘Home Improvement’ and are quite saddened by the fact that apart from the odd appearance in ‘Smallville’ and showing up in one episode of the awesome 'Veronica Mars' he is nowhere to be seen these days. Fox understands that J.T.T.'s finest work must not go unnoticed. If only others understood like she does.

GOLDEN GLOBES

Fox said on the red carpet at the Golden Globes: "I am pretty sure I am a doppelganger for Alan Alda. I'm a tranny. I'm a man. I'm so painfully insecure. I'm on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I'm scared."

Ok well, that's just hilarious and a GENIUS is funny...

BISEXULALITY

Fox said: "I think people are born bisexual and they make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society. I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I'm also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who is bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never sleep with a girl who had slept with a man."

Shit, this is deep philosophical stuff. So we all have a choice to be either gay or straight but initially we want the best of both worlds? It’s an interesting take on the origins of our sexual identities. Like a GENIUS she admits to being a hypocrite, because lets face it we all are and only a WANKER would say that they are never a hypocrite. We certainly can’t argue with her comment about guys being filthy. She has claimed to have only slept with two ever. Possibly because she can't find many clean ones. She has explained that it's really to do with the L word and consequently how hard it is to find that connection with someone I guess, yes only two men to date. And yes she won’t sleep with you unless she loves you. Her words pretty much.

So people you should stop calling her a slag. She obviously wants to pick and choose guys wisely and getting freaky with another girl who has slept with lots of guys means that she would also have been intimate with them in a strange third person kind of way. Sure she has some slightly anal retentive predispositions from the nature of these comments but they totally put to shame any thoughts she’s a hussy. Megan Fox is a totally deceptive package. (Anal retentive people also tend to be geniuses by the way)...

MICHEAL BAY

Fox said: "Michael Bay (Transformers director) wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he's a nightmare to work for."

Of course he is Megan. A WANKER like Bay who tortures us all with his mundane Hollywood garbage would be a struggle for any GENIUS to work with. After all you and Shia Labeouf saved the film from being as bad as all his other ones.

In conclusion Megan Fox is clearly misunderstood by the majority of the media and public. At this stage in her career, yes it is her looks which get the most attention but more importantly people should start to open their eyes and discover the GENIUS qualities Fox possesses. For now, stay tuned for more classic quotes from the stunning brunette.

Romantic Misadventures

Greetings People,

Girls can often inflict some horrendously painstaking emotional turmoil and humiliation to boot on mankind. But, hey we certainly couldn’t live without them. So I’m going to see how many misadventures I can rack up before I strike it lucky. Thankfully for me I’m not going to back date this list, which would just be embarrassing. It’s a clean slate full of some raw and fresh wounds. Ouch. Ill give them all nicknames appropriate to the time and place of meeting/attempt at courting process, and they all have one thing in common, the girl displayed some classic WANKER behaviour. Number 1 is:

Girl who temporarily ruined Oxford Arts.

She said; “don’t be a masochist. Just walk away.” Then I realised what a fool I was. I tend to go down in flames when things head for the Deep South with girls. I have never thought about masochism, maybe I have a more destructive side with it comes to romance then I realised. At what stage did I become a glutton for punishment, where I let total and utter behaviour of WANK over come me? Oh, that’s right, when it involves a women who evokes some of the most important qualities I’m attracted to and sadly it’s the shallow nature of sexual attraction which keeps me going back for more emotional beatings, even if she acts like a total WANKER. There is a psychological condition for this kind of stuff and it’s something to do with having to be accepted by others but ultimately grasping after that illusive connection. Before the downward spiral she seemed more then interested to get to know me which made this situation all the more puzzling and hence the nature of women and interaction with them even more so.

So I decided to go meet this girl one Saturday night after getting in contact with her. Not knowing what to expect I hesitantly walked into Oxford Arts while desperately attempting some bladder control exercises as a visit to the toilet was well over due. All that pale ale that had been consumed earlier in the night while catching up with friends was well and truly ready to go to its home and was running very late indeed. Funnily enough just about as soon as I walked in I saw her. I said; “hi, I really need to go to the toilet ill be right back.” When I return, it's like magic, poof she is gone, vanished into thin air. I then sent her a text message and all I get in reply is vague reasoning which read something like; “tonight has been a blur, I thought seeing you was a dream”. I have heard a lot of convenient excuses before but that ranks up at the top. It was later revealed by her, that I’m a "superb guy" who "deserves much better," obviously the type of girl she isn’t capable of being. Then some story about an Australian idol ex boyfriend was mentioned who came back into her life ever so suddenly, making an appearance at her apartment. He may or may not have serenaded her with a ballad, ever so romantically at her door step while holding a rose behind his back. The very kind of romance I just cannot supply was a recipe for yet another stir-fry mixed with all kinds of emotions which left behind that many left over’s they would find themselves eating stir-fry for days on end.

In the end it’s best I do “walk away” but before that I decided to attempt a sorry excuse at reverse psychology in an effort to show her I have not been hurt or have no hard feelings, as I call her bluff to see if she would potentially be interested to see me again (although deep down I know that it’s probably not worth seeing someone who treats you like that again). In this act I am supposedly cool with her wacky behaviour, almost turning the tables and saying, hey it’s all good you did a runner, I barley noticed, want to chill again sometime? Here I play the I’m only looking to hang out and have some fun kind of guy and we can just be friends or more, whatever, instead of displaying angst ridden paragraphs that question her behaviour. The answer is a resounding NO and the real problem was me not letting go straight away after that awful night, it just took a couple of extra days to work it out, that ex or no ex it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Yes she was good looking but probably more importantly I thought we had a lot in common. Pity she didn't have the people skills to match.

PHOTOGRAPHY: The Art of Wank

Greetings People,

The art of taking photos is one of the rare occasions in life where everybody can excel. Some of the best photographs are simply spontaneous snap shots which capture something both unique and vivid which creates a lasting impression on your mind. However because of this very reason photography has become the realm which many WANKERS like to work in. The modern age of digital photography has ensured that anyone with little technical skill can capture memorable snap shots which is both a good and bad thing. Things like photography becoming accessible to the greater majority of the public has created both negative and positive results. One of the negatives; people who like to feel some artistic self worth/importance among other artistically inclined people. They are the kind of WANKERS who are endlessly competing for the spotlight. Photography shouldn't be about flaunting your supposed skills because you want to appear talented but about sharing moments of life that have been captured through the unique eye of the individual. Not about doing it because it's cool and everybody has a camera because it's the latest accessory craze.

People who say they love photography but aren't out there busting their ass taking photos are sadly just fooling themselves really, and they may as well say they love 'art' instead, falling deep into an intellectual facade along with all other Wanks in the world. I enjoy photography as a concept but I can hardly say I am an avid photographer therefore would never list photography as a steady hobby of mine like other Wanks tend to do. How many people have you heard flippantly say that they love photography, or art for that matter? Does it really give you that much street-cred to be into these things? I just don't appreciate when people are forcing themselves to fit into an arty demographic purely for superficial reasons.

I do hope one day soon to become a much more avid photographer myself but in the meantime you give a toser a camera and click, click, click, boom, you have a Wanker bearing arms, loaded with bullets but continuously missing the target, (Wanks often miss the most photographic of objects because they are often far to obvious for their 'highbrow vision').

STYLE 101: The bigger the V Neck, the bigger the WANKER

Greetings People,

There are certain things every man who walks the earth should be very wary of when it comes to fashion. One of those things, you guessed it is the Deep V Neck T shirt. It is Dictatin’ Life’s opinion that only WANKS wear these shirts!

These types of guys love themselves and their bodies so much that their masculinity has to be questioned. All they seem to be concerned with is the best way to show off their pecks. It must be all that testosterone which oozes from their bodies that has somehow convinced them to wear such a piece of trash. It's ironic considering the Deep V neck is such a feminine piece of clothing. Normally guys who are inclined to hit the gym hard, slam a few protein shakes and wax their chests are the kind of Wankers that have embraced the V neck craze. Even some skinny, rake thin American Apparel model lookalikes who think they can pull it off fail and fall into the WANK category also. Not as bad as the former but still WANK none the less. American Apparel has a lot to answer for as they were one of the first to start the Deep V neck trend!

Sure small V neck shirts are acceptable and actually great in plain colours, especially Blacks and Whites. Dictatin’ Life recommends these especially when worn with a pair of jeans. It’s a classic look and you can’t go wrong. The Deep V Neck, however, screams I love my self more then I could ever love anyone else and above all is a major turn off for women. No really, and I have some proof in form of this pretty hilarious post I stumbled across from Mia Ricci (the link to her post is below). If a guy is willing to show that much skin than he may as well wear a tank top instead!

http://women.gearlive.com/girlsnark/article/q308-mens-fashion-turn-off-1-the-deep-v-thanks-american-apparel/

INTRODUCTION TO GENIUSES AND WANKERS.

Greetings People,

Any pretentious wanker is inclined to undertake in a little snobbery. They will claim to have good taste in all things that matter: women, men, music, film, fashion and art. Any pretentious wanker who is a man might also hint at a predisposition to new age femininity that only true Gen Y metrosexuals can understand. Not so cool. How we try to preach “culture” upon each other puts us all on the edge of becoming a bigger Wanker then we ever imagined. The line is blurred just like the line between Contemporary Rock and Indie Rock? Death Cab for Cutie was on the Twilight soundtrack after all! (Yes a tragedy to rival any vampire saga) and have you heard Triple JJJ lately by any chance?

Are we just like them, am I the pretentious prick I always tried not to be, or am I merely part of the reflection society mirrors? Really, I’m not here to tell you how to think (look into me eyes, not around me eyes, but into my eyes). I’m just trying to inform the best way I can which doesn’t involve being a Gen Y twat/twit or git on all things Wanky or of more importance things of pure Genius! By now I think we can say that any form of cheap hypnosis has surely been out weighed but the hypnosis of everyday living. Why else are we all wearing skinny leg jeans? Because they look cool or because we are told to! Looks like the Sweeds and their ever so chic Nudie marketing campaigns have something to do with that. Hypnosis hook line and sinker whether you like it or not.

Now as we are all trying to find the next cutting edge gadget, band, fashion statement, or analyse the latest albums and films we go through huge amounts of trash to get the feedback we desire. It’s so much easier when someone finds it for you right? I might just be that person, people, to sift through it all and give you the word, if it’s either Wank or Genius. Like I touched on earlier I’m not here to try and tell you what things to wear, eat, listen to and watch. Or else you might all be eating Curry. I may just guide you in a certain direction (part of the hypnosis of everyday life). Here, the variety of labels will be thrown around think and fast. They will be as vast as the ones you’re wearing right now on your clothes and the ones you see on your CD collection. No, you are not defined by the tastes or tastebuds you have or by the company you keep but the ways in which you choose to express yourself. Here on Dictating Life we will take a look at everyday living that we all experience. We will also have a large focus on the world of icons and stars from all walks of life.

You may have noticed I use the word wanker quite a lot. Don’t be alarmed. If you think you might be a wanker yourself well then it’s never too late to change. Content will be referred into two main categories, WANK or GENIUS. The WANK means we are dealing with fads, frauds, phonies, overly self aware, arrogant and down right egotistical people, movements or trends. A GENIUS is ground breaking, ahead of its time and most importantly truly awesome. If it’s the latter, then it’s defiantly worthy of your valuable time. If it’s in the middle I will guide you to tread with caution! Usually in this case there are hints of both Wank and Genius.Yes, the line may blur on occasions but I will strive to fully evaluate fairly and appropriately while also exploring the potential repercussions of liking and disliking certain things. It can be quite complex.

To conclude, in life I believe there are predominantly two catagories to place people in, Wanker or Genius. So are you ready for lesson one on Dictating Life? Are you a Wanker or do you have potential to become a Genius? It may take a long time to evaluate but during this journey and many lessons we can discover the answer together. I’m still unsure myself.